On Packing

Crunch time. We all know what ‘crunch time’ sounds like – crunch – but what does it mean? Not much. Nevertheless with my flight leaving on Friday morning, I am getting close to ‘crunch time’ and there’s still so much to be done. Redesign flyers. Get insurance. Rearrange flights. Panic. But more important than all that is packing.

And ‘packing’ is the hardest word. Closely followed by sakjfdohafkjdjjjjisweljxdlkvjhxjsdlajfojefadnfajfoiddjoahweuhmqlojmf. Here’s why:

One day while consuming content from a pop-culture blog I learnt the surprise ending of Sophie’s Choice. What? The internet spoiling things? Never. (Jesus dies. The Nazis lose. Earth burns.)

Apparently Sophie has to choose which one of her daughters goes to Auschwitz, and, let me tell you, she loves them both. Sophie’s not all like: “Urgh! I only get to send one daughter to the camps? But I hate both these bitches”.

Au contraire, Claire, she loves both sprogs and knows that old Auschy-Dubs is the worse place to bring up a kid. No parks! Awful schools! Death!

But, Sanderson, why are you rattling on about Sophie’s Choice? Oh, are you going to make a connection between a woman losing one of her womb creatures and you having to choose how many pairs of coloured jeans you can pack?

EXACTLY RIGHT!

Because nothing could be more similar than those two things. Let’s look at the options and ask: “Srsly, which jeans AM I going to leave behind?”

  • Forest Green: Next!
  • Blue: With my blazer to think of? Leave off, Jose. And no way too.
  • Red: Does the website www.dontlookatmyfuckingredtrousersbecauseIlefttheminLondon.com exist? No. But this one does.
  • White: White never goes out of fashion (particularly in the world of banking and politics – oooh, political).
  • Pink: It’s the new red.
  • Mustard: Do you have the time? Is it 2011? Will it soon be Autumn in Australia? Yes to all of those? Then “SHUT UP”. Of course they stay.

Alright. It is clearly totally impossible to leave anyone of those behind. And if I did imagine how upset the jeans would be on my return. Can you imagine that? No, you can’t. A human soul has never contemplated on a sadness of the only jean that wasn’t taken on the world’s greatest road trip.

Now, what happens if I get invited to a super chill dance party? Which dresses will I pack? Firstly, great questions. Secondly, definitely this one:

Dildo: Model's own (supplier www.LoveHoney.co.uk)

The dress works with jeans and boat shoes. It sings with jeans boat shoes and the silver ballet pumps that I found in a second hand shop and still to this day I think “Jeez, what lady has size 11 feet? I’d like to meet her but I wouldn’t like to fight her.”.

And this is just the beginning. How many belts? How many ties? Bow ties? It really is super hard.

What makes it harder is spending 30 minutes writing a post about what you’re going to pack.