Can’t Talk. Busy in Tellyland.

The one thing that this blog is agreed upon is that I am a srsly big deal and this blog should be ever so slightly thankful that it can even book me. Need proof, doubting Mustapha?

Yo Dawg!

Reasons I am a big deal:

1) Have own blog.

2) Have own MacBook that is only 3 and a half years old.

3) Have own brogues (minus laces (not for fashion reasons but because the laces broke and I am taking ages to get round to fix it)).

4) Just eaten a pizza that costs $6.

5) Am in Australia but am not from Australia (yeah, bitch bought a flight).

Anyway, I am trying to persuade some other people that I am such a super big deal that it would be good to put me on TV. Get this, the subject of the TV thing programme would be…….this website.

Ha! So this section of the TV series (episode 2, 10 minutes in just after I get blown my two Bolivian prostitute spaniels) will feature my hands writing, and these words moving across the screen except…hold on to your melon because it is about to explode….the words on TV will be different to these ones because…..

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we will

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record a new bit with different words as though it is what happened.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTT? (how’s the melon stump?)

Yeah, mofos. TV is not ALL real. And now you know how Neo felt. But you weren’t offered a blue pill. I gave you the red pill, without asking, and now you have to cope with the hideous reality (reality? How can anything be real if reality TV is not? Good question).

Or, maybe, we will use these very words, and then it will cut to me in the edit suite saying “Oh, I guess we did use those words but it would be better if this happened.” And then it will rewind and something else will happen.

Double woah!

It’s like John Malkovich being in his own head in Being John Malkovich except his head is this blog and his thoughts are you reading this INSIDE YOURSELF just before you fall out at the New Jersey Turnpike.

In the 72 part TV series those words will be read out by John Malkovich but Xzibit will be next to him and Xzibit will say: ‘Yo Dawg, I heard like you John Malkovich, so I put some John Malkovich in your John Malkovich so you can John Malkovich while you John Malkovich’.

That sentence will make only make sense to people who know this meme.

Let’s be clear, the TV people will, no way, make that show. Who would the hell would watch it? (Me!)

But I am trying to convince the TV people (a production company) that they could convince TV people with money (a broadcaster) to pay aforementioned (said) money for moving pictures of me doing ComedySale.Com.

And when I say moving pictures I mean every picture will be me dressed as a US soldier surprising his son while aforementioned (said) son hears for the first time that his pet dog is not dead but has been found and that everybody I know you can believe in your lions will recognize you and that you tried very hard in your race.

This blog post lost the plot, and the point, some time ago. I just wanted to let you know that due to your support this site / show / tour might be on the telly box in Australialand. Keep on reading / not reading.