119-121: The lovely Claire, proves I'm sales scum

119-121: The lovely Claire, proves I’m sales scum

Just one post ago I was whining mournfully on my woe-is-me pipe, now – all of a sudden! – I’m cheery and because, ladles and gentlespoons, I made a sale!
Ring the bell! Honk the horn! Sound the gong! Us salesmen are such simple folk: “Degree, lad? I went to the University of Leads!”.
The ticket buyer is, Claire, a lovely friend of my sister Georgina (5 sisters is a good sales generation network). C-Dog is […]

Panic Stations?

Dearie me, 3 days is a long time in bizarre, interactive, online comedy sale missions. Just 3 nights ago I wrote I was “Relaxed and Refreshed” – well isn’t that a steaming pile of presumption?
R and R’ed I might have been, that is no longer the case. The show has no ending, ticket sales are slowing, filming the next video looms Everest-like and incorporating daily Edinburgh events into my Fringe show is proving intractable.
My […]

Sales Review – Week 6: Relaxed and Refreshed

I’d like to say I’m back and better than ever but, after a week in Ibiza, that is rarely true. I am back and will soon be back to normal – or will I?
After a week away there is much to catch up on. The ticket sales have shot up to 114 and I think my target by the end of the week is 150. It is a lot, but it should make up for […]

Mozza, Jazz, Crazy Pete, Beardo, Hass man and the boys.

Comedy Sale rests for one week.

Well, it’s already been a month of work and, frankly, I need a break. Honestly, stand up is LITERALLY the toughest job in the world. Combining stand up with selling tickets is, well, it’s adjacent to lunacy.
In order to gather strength, regain composure and enter a zen-like state of bliss, I will be entering a silent monastery to meditate, flagellate and purge.
Thus ComedySale.Com will be paused for seven days, during this rigorous cleansing process. But, […]

Selling Tickets on the Street is HARD (video)


Almost got the century.

96&97: Richard and Georgina

Georgina and Richard own tickets number 96 and 97. Only Richard is pictured because Georgina doesn’t like photos. She hasn’t liked photos since she was little, and I know this because she is my sister. I have five sisters. You should have five sisters. Honestly, I can not recommend it enough.
Firstly, clothes. I can’t share their clothes which is SOMETHING THAT ANNOYS ME EVERY DAY, because, frankly (Can I still be Garthly?) girl’s clothes are […]

Hideous (ugly) criminal.

95: Me Julie, with exciting new pose.

Martin Luther had 95 Theses (but a bitch wasn’t one (though he probably counted the Pope as a bitch, so he did have one bitch)). Anyway, that is totally unimportant. What is important is that ticket number 95 has been flogged to Julie.
Julie is a mate’s girlfriend, but of the good variety. You know sometimes you meet a girlfriend and you’re like “Yeah….erm…please break up”). She’s good news, Team.
Until she rips his heart out and […]

Not pictured: Crocodile boots (made from croc Jack sex-killed)

94: Jack (who is NOT Linda’s son)

This is Jack – proud owner of ticket number 94. Whatever Jack is, and he is many things, he is not coming to see ComedySale.Com with his mother – Oh no! – most certainly not. He purchased no. 94 with his own money that he earns doing a job that pays him a salary (minus tax). The job is probably deep sea welding, or bull fighting, or ice climbing or deep sea ice bull […]

And God created woman in his own image.

93: Linda (who is NOT Jack’s mother)

Linda and I met in front of Wyndham’s Theatre. The air thick with rain yet to fall and muggy with the sort of heat that makes everything stick. Everything stick. Our eyes met, and she gave me this cheeky look that is apparently called: “Japanese Eyebrows”.
Enough if that, I’m somewhat concerned that the last act Linda saw was Russell Howard. Now, I’m not saying you can’t like Russell Howard and Sanderson […]